What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married, living together, separated, or dating. Victims can be of any age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment, marital status, or social class. Although both men and women can be abused, most victims are women. Studies show that one in four women have experienced or are experiencing some form of abuse.
Warning signs of Domestic Violence
- Physical Abuse
- Emotional Abuse
- Sexual Abuse
- Financial Abuse
- Online Abuse
- Sexual Coercion
- Reproductive Coercion
- Stalking
- Spiritual abuse
- Jealousy
- No or little access to money
- Control & Domination
- Family Violence
- Destruction of Property
I’m being abused. What can I do?
- Be safe: Have a safety plan ready for yourself and your family.
- Find support: You do not have to go through this situation alone.
- Document your abuse: Keep a detailed record of the date, time, specific incidents, threats, injuries, and witnesses. This documentation may be helpful if you decide to go to court to request a protective order or seek custody of your children.
- Recognize your choices: Decide what is best for you by talking through your options with a Domestic Violence Victim Advocate.
- Learn about protective orders: If your abuser has been charged with a crime against you, educate yourself on your legal rights.
What should I do if I know someone in an abusive relationship?
- Believe them. Be supportive and give them space to talk about their situation without judgement.
- Remind them it is not their fault. Reassure them consistently that they do not deserve the abuse.
- Contact professional support. Reach out to organization that can provide specialized resource and guidance for both you and the person experiencing the abuse.
For Friends and Family
When someone discloses abuse, your response can play a critical role in their safety and healing. Here is how to navigate those conversations.
Safety Planning
- Help them pack a hidden “go bag” with essential items (cash, IDs, medications, keys).
- Establish a code word they can text or say on the phone to signal they need immediate help.
- Memorize important phone numbers in case they lose access to their cell phone.
- Plan the safest escape routes from their home.
When to Call the Police
- Call 911 if there is immediate, escalating physical danger.
- Call if you know weapons are present or being used.
- Call if the person explicitly asks you to contact law enforcement.
Supporting Without Judgment
- Respect their decisions, even if they choose to stay or return to the abuser.
- Avoid giving ultimatums (e.g., “If you don’t leave them, I can’t be your friend”).
- Recognize that leaving is the most dangerous time for a victim; forcing the issue can jeopardize their safety.
For Employers
Domestic violence does not stay at home; it deeply impacts employee safety, well-being, and workplace security.
Recognizing Warning Signs
- Unexplained injuries or wearing inappropriate clothing for the season (e.g., long sleeves in summer to hide bruises).
- Frequent, unplanned absences or chronic tardiness.
- Receiving a high volume of harassing phone calls or emails at work.
- A sudden, unexplained drop in job performance or productivity.
HR Guidance and Leave Options
- Maintain strict confidentiality regarding the employee’s situation.
- Offer access to Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) for counseling and legal referrals.
- Provide flexible leave options (paid or unpaid) for court appearances, medical appointments, or relocating.
- Review local and state laws, as many jurisdictions mandate domestic violence leave.
Productivity and Security Planning
- Acknowledge that trauma impacts focus; offer temporary workload adjustments or flexible hours.
- Relocate the employee’s workspace to a more secure, less visible area away from public entrances.
- Provide a photo of the abuser to building security or the front desk.
- Offer security escorts to and from the employee’s vehicle.
- Screen incoming phone calls and block the abuser’s emails from the company server.
For Faith Communities
Faith leaders are often the first people victims turn to for help. It is vital to prioritize the victim’s physical safety over the preservation of the relationship.
Guide for Pastors
- Address domestic violence from the pulpit to remove the stigma and signal that the church is a safe place to seek help.
- Understand that abuse is a dynamic of power and control, not a standard marital conflict.
- Prioritize the safety of the victim and children above marital reconciliation.
Guide for Ministry Leaders
- Create a secure, private environment for congregants to disclose abuse.
- Never recommend couples counseling when active abuse is present, as it can escalate the danger for the victim.
- Partner with local domestic violence shelters to provide immediate, professional referrals.
Guide for Volunteers
- Learn to recognize behavioral shifts or signs of fear in congregants and children.
- Know the exact protocol for reporting concerns to church leadership.
- Keep referral cards or hotline numbers in discreet locations, such as women’s restrooms.
For Healthcare Providers
Healthcare settings are critical intervention points. Providers must be equipped to recognize trauma and connect patients with life-saving resources.
Referral and Screening Protocols
- Hospitals and Urgent Care: Implement mandatory, private screening for intimate partner violence (IPV) for all patients. Document injuries factually and photographically (with consent) for potential legal use. Connect patients directly with on-call hospital social workers.
- Dentists: Screen for signs of facial, head, or neck trauma that do not match the patient’s explanation. Look for signs of neglect or extreme control by a partner in the waiting room.
- Mental Health Providers: Utilize trauma-informed care frameworks. Be vigilant for coercion, especially during telehealth sessions, ensuring the patient is alone and safe to speak freely. Keep an updated roster of local shelters, legal aid, and specialized trauma therapists.
For Schools
Educators and school staff play a crucial role in identifying children living in abusive homes or experiencing teen dating violence.
- Actionable Resources for School Staff
- Teachers: Monitor for sudden drops in academic performance, extreme fatigue, behavioral outbursts, or flinching. Understand your state’s mandated reporting laws and the exact internal procedure for contacting Child Protective Services.
- School Counselors: Provide a confidential space for students to talk. Assist the non-abusive parent with safety planning, such as establishing safe pickup protocols or changing emergency contact permissions.
- Coaches: Watch for unexplained injuries or reluctance to change in the locker room. Foster conversations about healthy relationships, respect, and consent among student-athletes.
- College Staff: Ensure students are aware of Title IX protections. Coordinate with campus security to enforce no-contact orders and provide immediate housing or class schedule accommodations to separate the victim from the abuser.